I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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