You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
