why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
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I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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