i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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