i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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