we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
