I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
