she woke up with a sticky ear
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
