the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize