Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
