Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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