fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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