My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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