We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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