Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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