the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
whose parrot is this?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
