the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
