He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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