dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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