so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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