Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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