i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
