Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
