spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
