Betty ford says i'm here all night
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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