Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
