That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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