So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i think my cat just said my name.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
