Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
