Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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