I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
