I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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