And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
