i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
