This girl is more easily done than said...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
