i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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