Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
