Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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