R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
