They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
