I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You have to summon your inner elephant
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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