The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
