i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
