it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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