foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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