dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
