apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
