he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
