my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
