We named our party play list daddy issues
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
