Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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