He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
