We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
