i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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