I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize