I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
