i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
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