I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
