guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
