We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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