They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
