I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
