My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
