Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
