my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
operation harelip BJ is a go
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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