He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
