What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
