if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
How's work?
Spinning.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
