i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
handjob tips. give me some.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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