I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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