I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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