It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
