so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
