Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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