Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
